Here is what 826 days sober looks like

Background

Some stories grab you and you feel good at seeing people pulled out of HELL.

Here is one of them.

 

Here is what 826 days sober looks like. Left is me June 11th 2014, on the right is me today. Recovery is possible!

 

The left picture was taken on July 11th, 2014 and the right picture was taken on Sept 14th, 2016
Link

disregardordont_20141106            disregardordont_20160914

I love this! I have finally gotten to a point where it all seems like it was a bad dream. It’s taken a lot of hard work and a lot of discipline.

Take it one day at a time. It can get very frustrating. When you’re happy you’re gonna want to drink. When your sad you’re gonna want to drink. When you can’t sleep you’re gonna want to drink. Actively check yourself in those situations and just make your goal when you get out of bed in the morning to go to bed sober.

So this was thrown a handful of attention a lot faster than I expected. A few of you have asked what happened so I will try to do my best tl;dr.

On June 11th 2014 I went to jail for 36 days on a contempt charge. Without delving too deep I’ll just say that I was in a really abusive relationship that led to my daughter going to live with my mother. She is my whole world, so when that happened I fell into a deep depression and leaned to my abusive boyfriend for emotional support. His answer to making me feel better was heroin. After 8 months of daily use and a few half assed attempts at getting clean, I told the judge presiding over the guardianship case of my daughter that I had been using and that I needed help. He found me in contempt of court and put me in the county jail until he could find me a bed in a rehab. From there I went to the best rehab in my state. Recovery has been an uphill battle, but now I am at a point where it all just feels like a bad dream.

There are people in my life who don’t know about this side of me and will probably see this. I knew that when I posted it.

I felt the need to share it so openly because when I found my mugshot I felt so bad for that girl. I wanted to hug her and tell her it will get better. I then realized that girl is still out there somewhere. She isn’t me anymore though. There are other addicts out there who are in the same circle of hell that I was in in that mug shot. So even if one of those people see this and get their shit together, then it was worth it.

Edit: holy crap. I just woke up to over 300 unread messages and this is the top post on the front page. I just want to say thank you to everyone for the kind and encouraging words. I hope someone out there saw this and realized they can make it out from rock bottom.

Edit #2: Some are saying that I am blaming my ex-boyfriend for my addiction. That is not the case. My addiction is my responsibility and no one is to blame but me. Just to clarify.

Edit #3: I have received literally hundreds of messages and thousands of comments of well wishes and people pouring their hearts out to me. I wish I could reply to them all, but I think that would be impossible at this point. I am so touched that my pictures have moved so many people. When I posted this I only thought maybe one or two addicts would see this and maybe it would click with them that there is hope for a better future. But message after message I am reading people’s words telling me that because they saw my post its kept them clean another day. Even my Facebook page has messages from acquaintances telling me they had no idea and telling me they are proud of me.

So, again, thank you to everyone who has wished me and my daughter well. And to everyone still fighting the daily uphill battle of addiction, just know you can do it. But it’s up to you and only you to beat these demons. One day at a time!

It took me longer than I would like to admit to get over being bitter over being sent to jail. However that judge saved my life. I owe him everything.

She lives with me again. She’s handled everything well. Although with her being so young I don’t think she fully grasps the whole situation. When she gets older I will tell her the truth and make sure she is prepared to deal with handling her own emotions and life to avoid going down the same path her father and I chose. And yes, she is very loved and very happy.

I’m really sorry to hear about her. Honestly there is nothing that you can do. In order for her to get help she has to want it. My ex husband has been addicted to it for ten years. In the 4 years that we were married his parents and I got him into several different rehabs (surprisingly I didn’t start using until after we were divorced). I eventually had to accept that he wasn’t going to get better until he was ready, which he still is on it last I heard. The prison system is set up to get prisoners to stay in the system. Her best bet in my opinion is to go straight to rehab and from there to a halfway house. But I don’t know her situation, so that might not be possible.

Listening

  1. Kenny Chesney – That’s Why I’m Here
    Link
  2. Bruce Springsteen – One Step
    Link
  3. Brad Paisley, Alison Krauss – Whiskey Lullaby
    Link

 

Lyrics

That’s why I’m here

Written By Mark Alan Springer and Shaye Smith; Sang By kenny Chesney

thatiswhyiamhere

 

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